Snap, Crackle, Pop

Dear General Mills,

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I love your cereals! I eat them every morning, without fail. My seven children (Seth, Beth, Keith, Steve, Bobby, Stacie, and Chocula) also love your cereals just as much as I do.

I am writing to you to ask if it would be possible to have an autographed picture of those three whacky characters, Snap, Crackle, and Pop sent to my daughter Stacie. She anxiously sits in front of the television for hours at a time waiting to see their crazy antics. It is her 5th birthday coming up, and this would really make her day!

A keychain would be nice, too.

Your biggest fan,

David M. Cilluffo

Dear Mr. Cilluffo,
Thank you for your recent inquiry. The product you referred to is not manufactured by General Mills.

Unfortunately, we are unable to supply the address of the company that produces this product. You may want to contact the public library in your community for assistance.

We appreciate your thinking of General Mills, and regret we were unable to be of help.

Sincerely,

Pam Vlasnik
General Mills
Consumer Services

Pretty nifty how they won’t tell me who makes Rice Krispies, isn’t it? Undaunted, we press on, contacting the Erie County (PA) Public Library…
Dear Reference Professionals:

I have recently been in negotiations with a major cereal/breakfast foods manufacturer in an attempt to obtain an autographed photo of those zany elves, Snap, Crackle, and Pop. They informed me that they were unable to honor my request for a picture, but my local public library should have plenty of these in stock.

I thought to myself, why would a public library have treasures like this and not advertise it? But then I realized–the demand would be overwhelming. But it’s nice to know that I can turn to my public library for just about anything–no matter what!

Please send one photo (if they can be personalized, please have it made out to my daughter Stacie) and a keychain (if available). Is the photo free? If not, let me know how you want me to pay for it.

Reading is FUNdemental,

David M. Cilluffo

Hi, Dave,
In reference to your request about the picture of Snap, Crackle and Pop, we do not have any items like that in our collection. We do not receive items from private companies to include in our collection. If we did have such items, they would not be available for purchase. They would be a permanent part of our collection.

I don’t have any idea where items like this would be available. I visited the Kellogg website and they didn’t have any Snap, Crackle and Pop items for sale in their on-line store. Unless there is a organization that deals in cereal character collecting, I don’t think you would be able to obtain a photograph.

I wish I could be of more assistance to you, but I don’t think there is anything else I can do in this matter.

Terry Wirick
Erie County Public Library

Going Bananas

Dear Fresh Fruit People,

If there are three things in the world that I love, it’s Dole Bananas, Cheerios, and my wife. In that order. But yesterday I made an amazing discovery that I wanted to share with you:

Every morning, without fail, I sit down at the kitchen table and eat a banana, drink a glass of delicious Dole Pineapple Juice, and then eat a bowl of Cheerios.

However, yesterday morning I was running late for my job as an exterminator’s assistant, so I decided to do a little something different–eat my banana and my Cheerios at the same time. However, the bannana fell into the Cheerios. As you can imagine, I was extremely distraught. But not wanting to waste any time picking the banana out of the Cheerios, I decided to just go ahead and eat them together.

That is when I made this amazing discovery–Dole Bananas & Cheerios–Two great tastes that taste great together (feel free to use that)

You might want to team up with General Mills to heavily advertise this new recipie, which I feel will make millions of Dole Banana-loving Americans go to sleep each night in anticipation of a hearty breakfast of Dole Bananas and Cheerios (together at last!)

And don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of asking for money for this ingenious idea. Sharing this delicious breakfast with millions of hungry people is enough for me. A keychain would be nice though.

A great Dole Banana fan,

David M. Cilluffo

Subject: Thanks for writing us
Date: Fri, 8 May 1998 06:43:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: DOLEFOODCOMPANY@BEV.NET
To: Dave@offrampmotel.com
Thank you for your message to Dole Food Company. We appreciate the time you have taken to contact us. Your message has been forwarded to the appropriate department for response. You will be receiving a response as soon as possible.

This is an automated announcement from Dole Food Company. Please do not respond to this message.

Thank You

Well, as much as I would like to respond to this message, somehow I don’t think they are interested in my recipe…