The Chosen One

Dear Mr. Bloom,

For more than a month now, I have been trying to contact someone from Cendant Corporation concerning my stay at a Ramada Inn in July. So far, the only response I have received is a form letter from someone claiming to be Judy Fairchild, E-mail Administrator. I have kindly included a copy of my original correspondence, and I am confident that once you read it, you will see the seriousness of this issue and act on it at once.

I tried to send an email to the contact person you have listed on your website, but the email bounced back, saying “Unknown Recipient.” You may want to look into that. Thanks in advance for your prompt reply,

David M. Cilluffo

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Dear Lords of Lodging,

I wanted to write you a note to let you know how much I enjoyed staying in one of your find hotels from July 1-5, 1999. The service was exquisite, the prices reasonable, and insect infestations were at a minimum. I spend about 10 months out of every year staying in hotels and motels in my journeys around the country, but last week was the first time I had the opportunity to stay in one of your fine hotels.

While it’s true that I enjoyed my stay, I was curious about something: I noticed that there was a copy of the Gideon Bible in the nightstand. While I certainly believe in freedom of religion, and would never force my beliefs on others, it’s important that you understand that I am the Oracle of the Light of the Chosen One, and shortly I will assume my rightful throne in Heaven. I’m sure you would like your guests to go to Heaven when they die, so they need to understand that they must become my followers if this is to be.

I think it would help save the souls of millions of people a year if your hotel chains would remove the Gideon Bibles and replace them with the Book of the Righteously Divine Follower of the Chosen. These books are available for a nominal fee, also at the address below. I implore you to think about the souls of your customers, and your employees at once. I think you will agree that this is very important to all concerned, so I will expect your order shortly.

Yours In Holiness,

David M. Cilluffo
The Chosen One

PS: Please send me a Ramada Inn keychain.

Dear Mr. Cilluffo:
I have forwarded your message to Ramada. You should hear back from someone very soon. I am sorry you’ve had trouble contacting Ramada. Hopefully, your issue will be resolved to your satisfaction.

Sincerely,

Elliot Bloom

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We apologize that you have not received a response. We have again forwarded your e-mail to our Customer Service Department and they will be responding directly to you by mail.

Thank You

Judy Fairchild
E-mail administrator

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From: Anderson, Doug
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 1999 7:22 AM
To: Fairchild, Judy
Subject: FW: Ramada Complaint

Judy: I’m the PR Manager for Ramada in Parsippany and I just received the below e-mail to handle. Can you e-mail everything you have received from this nut-case to date. Thanks,

Doug Anderson

I was forwarded your e-mail requesting that the Ramada chain purchase your divine scriptures to ensure the “lodging” of its guests in the after-life. Unfortunately, as a franchise organization, each property is individually owned and operated and purchasing decisions (particularly insurance) is made at the property level. All sales-related requests should therefore be directed to the property and not the corporate office.
Thank you.

Doug Anderson
Ramada Public Relations

This letter can be a little confusing, but basically it consists of my letter to the corporation, followed by responses from Elliot Bloom and Judy Fairchild, and a copy of an email from Doug Anderson to Judy Fairchild which was mistakenly (?) forwarded to me. Finally, the courteous response from Doug Anderson to me.