Straight to the Top

Dear Vicars of Value,
First of all, I want to tell you what a great store you have. Whether I need diapers (I have 9 children under the age of 8), magazines, or supplies for work (I’m an exterminator’s assistant), I know that I can head to my local Wal-Mart store and find high quality products, low prices, and friendly service.

Unfortunately, last week this was not to be. Before I tell my story, I must begin with a brief introduction. Bear with me, it really is necessary.

You see, last week I discovered that I had a problem with hemorrhoids. While many people would be embarrassed by this fact, I’m not ashamed at all. I mean, if the medicines are so popular, I can’t be the only one with them, can I? Of course not.

When I discovered my affliction, I went straight to the hospital emergency room. Six hours later, when I spoke with the doctor, he told me it was nothing serious, and I should take over-the-counter hemorrhoid medication. Nothing to worry about, indeed! Obviously, he doesn’t have hemorrhoids!

Anways, I hopped on my bicycle and rode straight to…can you guess where? That’s right–Wal-Mart! I walked into the store, said hello to all the employees who greeted me, and went straight to the Wal-Mart Pharmacy. Scanning the shelves, I finally found what I was looking for–Equate (your store brand) Hemorrhoidal Suppositories. I chose your store brand because it contains the same active ingredient as the leading brand, at a much lower price. This is where my sad tale begins, my friends.

You see, I got home, ripped open the package, and gently removed one suppository from its tamper-proof coating. Filling a glass with nice, cool, slightly murky tap water, I quickly swallowed the suppository. Several hours later, not only were my hemorrhoids not cleared up, but my stomach was in knots. I could barely even lift myself out of bed. The next morning, my stomach felt better, but I am apprehensive about trying any more of this medication. Is it possible that I got a defective lot of medication? Please take the time to reply, because I don’t want to keep suffering.

Yours in agony,

David M. Cilluffo

PS–Please send me a Wal-Mart keychain. Thank you

Thank you for your message we received. Please contact the Pharmancy department of the Erie store, Jeff Cox -814-864-7730 and he will be more than happy to help you with your questions and problems on the medication. Thank you
Customer Service