Dear Oracle of Oral Hygiene,
When I was young, children were instilled with a sense of values, unlike today. My father made sure I knew right from wrong. Growing up, my friends and I knew not to lie, cheat, steal, kill, or covet our neighbors’ wives. Of course, as I got older, those became a bit of a problem.. I guess that would explain all my prison tatoos, but one thing my dear old father taught me that I never outgrew–brush at least 14 times a day.

I believe that the lack of oral hygiene is one of the most important problems facing American society today. A few years ago, brushing a dozen or so times a day with regular toothpaste was sufficient for adequate oral hygiene. Now we have baking soda, peroxide, baking soda with peroxide, whitening, extra whitening, whitening with baking soda, whitening with peroxide, whitening with baking soda and peroxide, tartar control, tartar control whitening, and others.

One day a few weeks ago, I was having a backyard barbeque, and realized that my guests expected something more than celery and soy sauce for dessert. While I make quite a good living as an exterminator’s assistant, having a little party for 5 people sure can drain the old checking account. And I really couldn’t leave the party to run (I don’t have a car) to the nearest grocery superstore. So thinking fast, I ripped open a package of Oreo cookies, twisted the tops off, and licked all the white sugary stuff off the insides. Grabbing one of the many tubes of Mentadent toothpaste from my hall closet, I spread the toothpaste on each side of the oreo cookies and put them back together. WOW!!! These cookies of mine were a big hit. In fact, since coming up with this delicious snack cookie, which I call “Mentadenteos,” I have sold more than 500 packages. Who would have thought that I could become rich working out of my cockroach infested one bedroom apartment. At then end of July, I will begin a national marketing campaign, which should do quite well.

Anyways, what I was wondering is if it’s more effective to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, or directly on my teeth when I brush.


Dave Cilluffo

Dear David,
Thanks for the fun! Try putting the paste on your brush, it spreads easier that way.